Sunday, May 16, 2010

I feel like it's been so long.

I feel like it's been so long since I've felt God move in a church service. I feel God move in my life, and I can see him moving in my family. I know He is with me for every step I take and I know He has a plan for my life. I know He is moving, but when I sit in church, I don't feel that feeling anymore. I don't feel that "wow" moments, and I don't feel the spirit of God pressing in on me anymore. I don't feel people being changed. Maybe because only the "fixed" are going to the "doctor". I'm not saying He isn't there, I'm just saying I can't feel him. A lot of the time when I'm in church, I feel like it's so hollow. All the songs are about "me" and not about "him".

Tonight I was in a church that sang the words "I'll reach my holy hands to heaven to touch you" (or something along those lines,) and not a single person raised their hands to heaven. Why would you sing a song about raising your hands and not raise your hands? Don't sing the words if you're not going to follow them out. That's why I don't like songs that are "me" based (usually) because they are hollow. Not for the person who wrote them, but for the congregation who is singing them. I feel like people playing in the worship bands are hollow, I feel like the people listening are hollow. I feel like it's an obligation now, not the desire of our hearts. I feel like Sunday is this routine day we go through every week to check it off our list.

"Today I went to church in the morning and pretended to listen to a sermon. Tonight I'll go and pretend to worship."

I'm so sick of it. Today I was in a church where the congregation was singing but no one was raising their hands (except for all the bapticostal guests there). I'm willing to bet that every single one of those kids would raise their hands at a good concert (if they are even allowed to go to concerts -gasp-) and yet they can't raise their hands in church even though the scripture specifically says to.

1 Timothy 2:8 "I desire then that in every place the men should pray, lifting holy hands without anger or quarreling;"

My blog isn't even about raising hands in worship. It's about church feeling so hollow that it makes me almost dread going there. I'm really looking forward to the beginning of Enamored.

I'm just so bored with church and I'm hoping that there will be life again.

1 comment:

  1. You should visit my church sometime. I know that it's a drive for you, but I think you and Keiffer might actually enjoy it. I love worshiping there, you can really hear it in the peoples voices just how much they are singing out to God. Sometimes all I hear is my little voice trying to praise Him, all the same our worship to me is beautiful.

    You know, feeling like that is definitely a season many people go through - but whenever I think of feelings like that, feelings of frustration with the world and church and christians, I always think about using that frustration to push on the tough road that glorifies God. I think about this one sermon Mark Driscoll was preaching, and he was talking about Righteous Anger. Like when Jesus went into the temple and was really mad at everyone who was not being reverent, who weren't worshiping from their hearts. Even though he was angry (and had every right to be) he used that anger to fuel his desire to glorify God even MORE so BECAUSE of that by preaching and speaking truth.
    Anyways, this is a long comment, but I'm praying for you!