Tuesday, August 3, 2010

it keeps no record of wrongs.

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres."

We've all know this verse. We've seen it a thousand times. We get the idea. As Christians, we are to do our best to display this perfect model of love. There is one thing that stands out to me. One thing I truly struggle with.

"It keeps no record of wrongs."

Let's just be real. A thousand times I have claimed to not be a grudge holder, but I later catch myself recalling to a "wrong" to put it someone's face. To prove that I'm right. To remind a person that they have hurt me. To tell someone they owe me, because once upon a time, they wronged me.

It's a simple little thing that I believe we all do without realizing it. It seems to be especially easy for me to keep record of wrongs towards people I dislike, but also towards my significant other.

In times when I want to bring up a past event to prove myself right, I remember being right doesn't mean I'll be happy. It doesn't mean anything will get better. Most of the time, "being right" isn't the right thing to do. And I remind myself that bringing up wrongs, isn't what love does. And if there is anything I want to learn to do, it's love.

Thursday, July 22, 2010

I'm sick of girls (or guys) who have tattoos of scripture on their body, but their facebook pictures show them blatantly being drunken party sluts, or being crude and ill-mannered. It doesn't match up. It's almost like a fake ID. You have your obvious signs to show you are a "christian", and that you "love God", and yet you know absolutely nothing about Christianity or loving God.

We have this idea that in order to be a good christian and supposedly reach others, we have to act like the world to blend in. It's okay to be a christian and cuss, and be drunkards, and have sex, and watch raunchy things on tv, and fill our minds with crap. It's okay to be a christian and talk trash about our coworkers, or tell gossip we don't know. We have this mindset of, "Nobody's perfect! We all have flaws! I can't be uptight and still reach people! I need to blend into the world in order to change the world!"

What?!!??? Oh, because that's what Jesus did, right?... yeeaaaahhhh...


Nobody knows what it means to be a Christian anymore. Nobody realizes why we are here. Nobody realizes the power we have through Christ, through the Holy Spirit. I know every day we are beat down by the continual influence and pressure from our peers, but we have to stay strong. We can't be flaunting any fake ID's. The only ID we should have is "what you see is what you get". Let's not put on a front as if we are better than we are. "Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment." (Romans 12:3, niv)
I'm not saying it's bad to have scripture tattooed on you, but if you're going to make that step, let's hope you're ready to live out the advertising you're putting out there for the world to see, because hypocritical Christians are what makes the world hate Jesus.

I am not perfect. At all. Neither are you. We are all crappy people. We obviously have talked trash, we've done things we could be ashamed of. We've done things we ARE ashamed of. But if we want things to be better, if we want the world to believe we are truly Christians and believe in a beautiful, loving, powerful & forgiving Christ, than we have to be in a constant state of movement. Movement towards what is right. If you're sick of being a crappy Christian, or ready to live up to the image you put out to the world, I challenge you to try to change. I'm not talking about that "maybe I'll read a psalms a day to make me feel better" kind of change. I'm talking about seeking, praying, holding your tongue, reaching out a hand, softening your heart kind of change. The kind of change that other people can see. The kind of change that makes change.

step. it. up. (and quit being a party slut.)

Sunday, May 16, 2010

I feel like it's been so long.

I feel like it's been so long since I've felt God move in a church service. I feel God move in my life, and I can see him moving in my family. I know He is with me for every step I take and I know He has a plan for my life. I know He is moving, but when I sit in church, I don't feel that feeling anymore. I don't feel that "wow" moments, and I don't feel the spirit of God pressing in on me anymore. I don't feel people being changed. Maybe because only the "fixed" are going to the "doctor". I'm not saying He isn't there, I'm just saying I can't feel him. A lot of the time when I'm in church, I feel like it's so hollow. All the songs are about "me" and not about "him".

Tonight I was in a church that sang the words "I'll reach my holy hands to heaven to touch you" (or something along those lines,) and not a single person raised their hands to heaven. Why would you sing a song about raising your hands and not raise your hands? Don't sing the words if you're not going to follow them out. That's why I don't like songs that are "me" based (usually) because they are hollow. Not for the person who wrote them, but for the congregation who is singing them. I feel like people playing in the worship bands are hollow, I feel like the people listening are hollow. I feel like it's an obligation now, not the desire of our hearts. I feel like Sunday is this routine day we go through every week to check it off our list.

"Today I went to church in the morning and pretended to listen to a sermon. Tonight I'll go and pretend to worship."

I'm so sick of it. Today I was in a church where the congregation was singing but no one was raising their hands (except for all the bapticostal guests there). I'm willing to bet that every single one of those kids would raise their hands at a good concert (if they are even allowed to go to concerts -gasp-) and yet they can't raise their hands in church even though the scripture specifically says to.

1 Timothy 2:8 "I desire then that in every place the men should pray, lifting holy hands without anger or quarreling;"

My blog isn't even about raising hands in worship. It's about church feeling so hollow that it makes me almost dread going there. I'm really looking forward to the beginning of Enamored.

I'm just so bored with church and I'm hoping that there will be life again.

Sunday, May 9, 2010

God is moving in my family. My brothers and their friends are all coming to the reality that God is the only thing that will free them from their addictions and their sins. And knowing this, they are becoming new people. And I see this is a true answer to many YEARS of praying. I'm really in awe the way God is doing things... I know he does miracles and I know he is going to use everyone in my family to do ministry and/or do some really great things. :)

Wednesday, May 5, 2010


Tuesday, May 4, 2010


I'm really really really excited for Enamored. Enamored is the name of the Saturday night service that Keifer is going to be pastoring over, and I'm excited. I'm just really looking forward to seeing how God is going to use this service and the people who attend it. I know Keifer (and I) have really big hopes and dreams and expectations for this church. I can see God blessing this service down the road, and hopefully Keifer will some day have his own church. Maybe not, maybe this Saturday night service will be big enough to not need a Sunday/Wednesday... i don't know. I can't even fathom what God has in store. At all. But I'm really excited. And I am extremely proud. I just have this idea in my head of this group of people, so on fire for Jesus. Not in a weird IHOP/Only-Worship-And-Cry-A-Lot-in-Church type of deal, but true on fire, in love with God kind of deal. I just wonder what we'll do, what we'll change. I hope we'll serve at homeless shelters and do stuff like that. That is Keifer's hopes for this service - to not just be a Saturday night thing, but to be a group of people who live out their relationship with Christ every single day of thew week.

Anyways. That's all!


Sunday, May 2, 2010


I don't pray a lot. I should. I know the importance of it, and I'm so quick to tell other people to pray, but I just... don't pray a lot. It's not because I don't want to, it's not because I'm "angry at God" or anything... I just don't feel like my first reaction to things is to pray. SOMETIMES, but not always. Don't get me wrong, I definitely pray, just not nearly as often as I should, and I don't pray for as many things as I should. Only when those things cross my mind. And sometimes not even then! I know some people who pray about EVERYTHING. And that's so amazing to me. I want to be one of those people. I guess sometimes I just feel like God is on his throne, far away from us, watching us and helping us but not wanting to get too involved or not wanting to interfere.I know that's silly, and I know that is totally Biblically incorrect. Here's what I've found with the help of Google.

"This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us. And if we know that he hears us - whatever we ask - we know that we have what we asked of him" (1 John 5:14-15).

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God." (Philippians 4:6).

"And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the saints" (Ephesians 6:18).

"Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus" (1 Thessalonians 5:16-18).

So there it is. Pray all the time, about everything. Easier said than done, I guess! I think one of the things about prayer is it's generally selfless. You should be praying for your family and friends, for lost ones, for our president, our country, our church body, for our health, our safety. We should be thankful and giving praise. And all that is taking time to think about something or someone other than yourself. It's interesting how everything about Christianity and Christ is it's all selfless, and it's all selfless because it 's all about love. And true love is selfless. Seriously, everything about Christ and the Bible comes down to love. It's mind blowing. I'm going to end this blog and go pray.

Friday, April 30, 2010

lazy christians

Galatians 2:20 "20I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me."

What does that mean? I'll tell you what I think it means.
I think it means that you kill off yourself. You kill off all your selfish ambitions. You crucify everything that is worldly, everything that is sinful. You kill off everything that is not of God, but of the world. And then you only live as if Christ lived through you. If you read Paul's books, they all talk about the Holy Spirit living in us. So why don't we actually act like it? I'm beginning to wonder about what we call "Christians" these days, because I don't think the modern day Christian has anything to do with what Paul talks about, or what Jesus talks about. I feel like if we truly loved Christ, we really would crucify ourselves. What kind of Christians do we know, think about them. Think about if they have been crucified by Christ. Think about if YOU have been crucified by Christ. Do you honestly put yourself to death in order to live by Christ? Do we live life in faith? I mean really. I agree with what Francis Chan says in Crazy Love. We are the laziest Christians, trying to do as little as we can and still call ourselves Christians who love God. I'm sorry but love isn't lazy. If you've ever been in love, truly in love with somebody, you'd do anything for them. You'd bend over backwards and lick your toes if you knew it'd make them happy, so why don't we live like that when we claim to be in love with Christ? Why don't we truly live like we love Him? Probably because we don't truly love him, we just like him a lot.

My next blog: Being clothed with Christ.

Saturday, April 24, 2010

Have you ever been in love? I have before, and I am again. Love comes in a lot of different forms and a lot of different levels. This time I'm in love on a whole different level. If only someone understood how happy I truly am right now.

Thursday, April 22, 2010

I've gotten over some anger lately. I don't know what really overcame me, but I was angry at someone, I felt such a hatred that I've never ever felt towards anyone before. I'm not a grudge holder, and I'm not an angry person - but I felt this burning in my heart every time I thought about it. But I woke up after a strange dream and realized it isn't my place to be angry. My anger doesn't do any good, it doesn't fix anything, and it's not my job to try to fix it. God always does what He needs to do. God will always fix those who say they love him. I'm not angry anymore. I've replaced that anger with love, because that's my job. My job is to love everyone, regardless of what they've done. I'm not going to seek vengeance. I don't really care, to be honest. Because what goes around, comes around. And what goes up, must come down. And sin is only fun for a season. You know what happens after spring and summer? Fall, and you know what happens in the fall? Everything dies.

I was angry again tonight, at someone different. I was angry to think that someone could jump to conclusions and attack me like they did, but then I realized that's just how they roll. That's the way they take care of things. And if that's how that person wanted things to be, that's exactly how they'll be. I don't need my opportunity to "explain myself" or even find out what the cause of this was, because in the end it doesn't matter.

I feel full of love right now.

OH, and tonight was amazing. Circa Survive + Coheed & Cambria = perfection.
The night with my boyfriend = Perfection.

I didn't do anything wrong, and I won't apologize for it.
I'm not sorry.

"What goes around, comes around.
What goes up, must come down."

Sunday, April 18, 2010


It's not very rare that you hear stories of people dying. Motorcycle accidents, drowning in rivers, car accidents, drunk driving, heart attacks, freak accidents. And when you hear it on the news, it's just another person you didn't know. It's just another story to hear. Then when someone you know dies, you don't even know how to react. You hear so much about people dying but what does it mean? It's not as intimidating when you think of someone leaving this earth and going to Heaven. It can be hard for you, the friends, the family - hard to adapt to that person missing, but when you think about the fact that the person who died honestly isn't missing out on anything because they're dancing with Jesus, it doesn't seem so bad. You almost get jealous.

Anyways Mark Zacharewicz died last night. It's really weird typing that. We weren't close. I mean we "dated" for like, 3 weeks when I was 15. He bought me flowers, he was real nice too. We weren't friends after that, but I started to see him at church every now and then. He ended up being a pretty nice kid. He used to call me "Paskiewicz" and I thought he was cool because he could speak Polish and Ukrainian and that was pretty impressive. He had the most awe-inspiring ability to accept everyone as they are. I was talking to Kay and she said sometimes we don't accept people for who they are -sometimes people think of it as negative to accept people as who they are if they aren't good people, and sometimes we don't hang out with certain people because of our image. But then we reminded each other that Jesus hung out with prostitutes and tax-collectors, people who were looked down on by society. Jesus was showing love, and Mark did that a lot. He showed love to everyone, and that's inspiring.

Mark's death brings so much to my mind. Even though we weren't close and hardly ever talked, it's weird. I have his number in my phone. I have emails from him, he's on my facebook. He used to call me and invite me to play capture the flag, and I never went... but he makes me remember that we all assume we'll live until we're 80, and die from a natural death. He reminds me that death could be tomorrow, death could be in five minutes. Death could be next week - What do we need to fix before we die? Really, what do we need to fix? We think we have our whole life to make things right, but what if we knew we were going to die next week? What would we do? Not physically like sky-diving and whatever, but what kind of relationships would we fix, what kind of attitude would we have, what kind of love would we show, what would we tell people, what would we give away? We need to live like we're dying in the sense that, life could end, and it can't end on a bad note. Don't end your day angry at someone, don't forget to end your day without telling the people you love that you love them.

I wonder if I were to die tomorrow, how many blogs would be written about me? What would they say? Would my blogs say that "Sarah Paskiewicz showed love to everyone she met. She was positive and kind and always happy." or would they just say "Sarah was cool, and she made me laugh."? These are important questions. I don't' want my life to end with any unfinished business. I don't want my life to end with people thinking I could have been better. It overwhelms me when I think of how much better I wish I was, cause honestly I just wish I was more like my mom. More patient, more uplifting, more encouraging, more positive. I work towards those things but sometimes I just don't feel like I'll ever be who I want to be. But I'll never stop working. I'll never stop trying to show that love that Jesus showed, the love that Mark showed, the love that my mom shows. I'll never stop trying to accept people and to not judge - two things I've always been good at, but it seems like when you think you're "good enough at it" you begin to fall. No more pride, no more arrogance.

Hello, new me.

Friday, April 16, 2010

time for a sappy love blog.

There are certain days, moments, songs, and things that make me fall in love all over again. Falling in love isn't something you do just once, it should be something that's done every day. Every time your love does something special for you, notice it. Let those little things remind you of your love. Cruising at sunset listening to The Temper Trap and Paper Tongues makes me fall in love with Keifer all over again. Going to Taco Bell and sharing a bag of cinnamon twists, cuddling and taking night time naps while watching Whose Line Is It Anyway?, playing keys and drums together -all these things just makes me fall in love again. Those little moments where we hold hands and tell each other that we love each other... I don't take those moments for granted. I cherish them because every time, I realize I've made the right decision by picking him. Every day he makes me smile, and I fall in love all over again.

What are you waiting for? Go tell somebody you love them.

Thursday, April 15, 2010

just follow your heart...

"The only thing that matters is just following your heart, and eventually you'll finally get it right"
-The Ataris

“Follow your heart, but be quiet for a while first. Ask questions, then feel the answer. Learn to trust your heart.”


Let your heart guide you...but listen closely because it whispers" - Land Before Time

"True love is not something that comes everyday, Follow your heart, it knows the right answer."
- Unknown

"Listen to your heart, for it knows the truth"
- Unknown

"Never have regrets, follow your heart."
- Jeff Zinnert

"Listen to your heart. Because, wherever your heart is, that is where you'll find your treasure."
- Paulo Coelho

"...it is only with the heart that one can see rightly. What is essential is invisible to the eye."
Antoine de Saint-Exupery

I am constantly intrigued with how often songs, poems, and quotes are written about following your heart. It seems like such a pure thing to do - follow your heart, you'll live life alright. Follow your heart, everything will turn out okay. Your heart knows best. I beg to differ.

Genesis 6:5
The LORD saw how great man's wickedness on the earth had become, and that every inclination of the thoughts of his heart was only evil all the time.

Psalm 58:2
No, in your heart you devise injustice, and your hands mete out violence on the earth.

Psalm 64:6
They plot injustice and say, "We have devised a perfect plan!" Surely the mind and heart of man are cunning.

Psalm 73:7
From their callous hearts comes iniquity ; the evil conceits of their minds know no limits.

Psalm 74:8
They said in their hearts, "We will crush them completely!" They burned every place where God was worshiped in the land.

Matthew 15:19
For out of the heart come evil thoughts, murder, adultery, sexual immorality, theft, false testimony, slander.

Mark 6:52
for they had not understood about the loaves; their hearts were hardened.

Mark 7:21
For from within, out of men's hearts, come evil thoughts, sexual immorality, theft, murder, adultery,

Romans 1:24
Therefore God gave them over in the sinful desires of their hearts to sexual impurity for the degrading of their bodies with one another.

I'm sorry but I think I've made my point. Our heart really shouldn't be making our decisions for us, because quite obviously it's not always right.

That's really all I have to say for now.

Tuesday, April 13, 2010

I'm not 100% sure, but I don't think it takes very long to fall in love. I guess it depends what we're talking about. I fell in love with my new dog the moment we got her home and saw how goofy and clumsy she was. I fell in love with my computer the moment I opened the box. I fell in love with my car the first time I drove it. I fell in love with my boyfriend the moment I saw he had a flamingo in his room. I know "falling in love" is such a silly statement. Love isn't something you fall into, love is something you choose to do. I tell you what, I chose to love my dog. In fact, I chose HER. I also chose to make the switch to Mac, I chose to buy my car, and I chose to pursue my boyfriend. And though love comes on many different spectrums, it's still work. I will choose to take care of my dog always. I will choose to take care of my car. I will choose to love and support and cherish and encourage my boyfriend. There's just a lot about love that people over-look. Love is a weird thing, just like this blog. I don't know the purpose of it. But I'm ending it NOW.

Friday, April 9, 2010

"When our lips touch, everything else in the world fades away. It's non-existent, it holds no meaning and no value. I hear nothing, I see nothing. Troubles don't exist, my worries cease. There is no other moment I'd rather be, there's no place I'd rather be. When we kiss, I feel like we become one. I know I'm yours. I know you're mine. I'll never share you, I'll never give you up. When we kiss, I feel every ounce of love you have for me. I feel like I've found everything I've ever wanted in life. I feel so alive."

-Alex Sky

Thursday, April 8, 2010

my mother

Mom: "Do you know what a stimulus package is?"
Me: "Yeah"
Mom: "Do you know what, like, a financial stimulus package is?"

My mom is freaking hilarious. I don't think people realize many sides she has to her. She always knows exactly when to stay calm, when to be polite, and she always knows exactly how to say things the right way, but she also knows how to kick back and have a good time. She's actually really funny and quite the jokester. She's crazy and loud and majorly ADD... to make it short, she's exactly like me but taller, 32 years older, and a much better person. I have to say, out of all the people in this world, she's one of the very few people I truly aspire to be some day.

I feel really blessed because I know a lot of people with "bad parents". I know a lot of people who don't get along with their parents very well. And it's not that the parents are necessarily bad parents or bad people, but they're simply people who don't have things straight in their own lives and don't have much business trying to rear children. There's a lot of parents who have children and can't even love them correctly because they've never been shown love themselves. Being a parent is a really serious thing, because children are blank slates who grow up to be exactly what you raise them to be.

I'm getting sidetracked.

My point of this is that my mom is freaking awesome and I hope that when I grow up, I'm half as good of a person as she is.

Monday, April 5, 2010

school blows. I pretty much hate every part of it, except lunch. It just seems like a waste of time for me to go and really not learn a whole lot. It just seems like a big burden that's unnecessary. Anyways I know these next four weeks are absolutely crucial. And I hate that. I'm getting an unacceptably low grade in Spanish, I don't know what my grade will be in sociology, and my English class makes no sense because I have no idea what she is going to make us do in these next four weeks. And that scares me. Sigh.

These next four weeks need to end as. soon. as. possible.


Saturday, April 3, 2010

Hello Kitty is not as cool as you think it is.